Completion of Assignment 1

“We also often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally.” – Tenzin Gyatso, The 14th Dalai Lama quotes (Dalai Lama, b.1935)

Time flies when one is worked out on work. The tasks were daunting and complicated; the understanding of the business were deep and specialised; the expectations were high and unforgiving. Such was the assignment given to me for the recent audit assignment 1 completed two weeks ago.

Forgiveness must first be sought for the long period of time that this blog is without a post. Updates were consistently made in the health section, but otherwise the front page was barren of any recent updates and many parts of this personal site requires a dedication of work to fill it up with something worth of sharing.

Work of audit has never been easy. It was never really about the reading, analysing, and report writing that bugs me out. It was about the people’s communication. Communication to audit clients. Communication with audit team members. Communication by audit manager and top management.

Despair

I have whined and complained to many that cared to hear about my predicament – the gift or the curse of being a sensitive person. Too much a time that I have burnt the bridges of friendship over my fragile state of emotion. Eventually many of the bridges were repaired, but some remained damaged beyond repair, and some others are still with visible scars.

If there’s one way for a person to grow, is for him to be thrown into something that’s he’s unfamiliar with. I guess that’s what I’ve been given the chance to cover the area of Technical Services and Marketing. I believed that I’ve done a decent job in ploughing my minds into the understanding of such nature, and it could not possible happen without the sheer dedication of my excellent manager.

Another point that was disclosed to me by a close confidant was my nature of getting things done my way – with the lack of persuasion, or “tact”, as what I’m told. It was never a concern to me since the dark ages of my life in Ayer Keroh, Malacca to care of what others think, but it made me deeply think of my current situation now that it was somewhat become a talk along the corridors in my department.

Pressure seems to be following me wherever I go. And somehow, pressure works on me in one way or another, be it a deadline, continuous assault of my ideas and opinions, high expectations, and other methods of management-controlled pressures. The given assignment was riddled with pressures both internal and external, and somehow I have weathered all that has come in my way. I know not how effective I was, but I know for a certain that I did it my way.

I admit, time after time, that I was never a perfect person. I know from the bottom of my heart that communication and human relationship has never been my strong forte. I want to try to improve myself but sometimes I just fell into the feeling of helplessness and despair. Nothing torture me much like trying to be who I am not.

I have likened my heart as a lump of ice – cold and unforgiving. There was a time that the ice got thawed and I opened up to others, but my peculiar traits has never been accepted without bias interpretation by some. My name is not probably will ever be in the good book of many of my office peers. I know that for a fact.

I try to take the wisdom of the words of the Dalai Lama as stated in the opening of my callous rambling, even when it hurt me emotionally to resign with who I am now.